I never realized how much my self consciousness and fear of judgement used to burden me. Every moment my thoughts spiraled in an overwhelm of, "How do I look?" "Why did I say that?" "I wonder what he thinks of me?" "How can I look impressive?" It was out of control. I couldn't understand why I was so stressed all the time and why sometimes little things people said or did bothered me deeply. I always wanted control and exhausted myself in social situations, trying to be the best image I thought society would want of me.
My judgement of others was a mere reflection of my judgement of myself and the fear of that judgement I had.
One day, I couldn't handle it anymore, it was too much work. I decided to give up and let everyone hate me. I let myself have bad days, sad days, and glad days. When I wanted to cry I didn't hide it. When I was ecstatic, I showed it. When I was upset, I didn't suppress it. When I needed to rage, I raged.
What I came to find was no one ended up hating me. They had their bad days, sad days, and glad days too. And for the first time I was aware that we were all the same. Infinite souls living a finite human experience. Rather than turning away from me, people turned towards me and listened. They turned towards me to hug me, love me, connect and understand. To help contribute their ideas and solve problems. They wanted joy for me and to contribute to that joy. When I needed space they gave me space and when I was ready to be social again, they were happy to have my company.
It made me realize that not only do people need and want to connect and love, but that being authentic makes you human, and as humans we have the gift to heal and free each other from the falsity of identity and social expectations. We connect deeper in realizing that we're all imperfect and that's okay, in fact, it's normal!
Once I let go and let myself BE... My mind and emotional capacity made room for so much more. I was able to develop a relationship with ME. Appreciate silence. See others in their true light. And most of all, rid myself of all that unnecessary thought and concern. I was able to live a little more freely. 😊 You are lovable & free! 😘😘😘